LIT COMMISSION 08: Into Brighter Waters

When he died, Kaerius returned to the ocean. He had spent many years on land visiting the humans and enjoying his company. They could never have been together, but he thought they would have many more years with each other.

There was nothing to focus his grief. He had been taken by a simple heart attack. He’d been stolen from Kaerius by his own body. Kaerius wanted to be angry at something, at someone. But there was nothing.

So, when he died, Kaerius returned to the ocean. He found the deepest trench with the darkest waters. He swam to their depths.

And he screamed.

…

Kaerius’s screams echoed throughout the ocean. Cordelia could barely believe she was the first one to reach him, but when she arrived neither her other brothers nor her sister were anywhere to be found.

She found him in the blackest depths of the ocean. No surprise there. Even as a young child, he preferred the darkest waters when he wanted to be alone. But she’d never taken the implicit demand for solitude to include herself. With a flick of her tailfin, she descended into the shadowy depths and toward the sound of Kaerius’s agony.

Kaerius was curled against the sandy seafloor. His tanned skin was taut with tension. He had his head turned away from her. His teal hair floated around him like tendrils, reaching out, asking for her to help him. She settled down next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

She hummed softly and settled her head against his back. She ran her hand over the scales on his arm, but he didn’t seem to notice her presence. He wasn’t injured physically. Whatever was ailing him was in his mind and all the more dangerous for it. It would take time to heal and she didn’t know where to start or how to make it better.

Tears fell from her eyes and mingled with the harsh smell of the salty ocean.

…

Cordelia swam quickly to return to Kaerius’s side. She was hesitant to leave him alone for long. To her right, she heard her name called. She kept going, but twisted on her side to see who spoke to her. To her consternation, it was her younger sister, Seira. She cared for her, obviously, but she could be a real pain in the tailfin and right now, Kaerius needed her.

“What is it, Seira?” she said sharply.

To her credit, she got straight to the point. “What happened to Kaerius?”

Slowing, Cordelia accessed her. Her green-blue eyes were pinched with worry and sincerity. Of course. Seira had always been keenly aware of their family’s emotions. Even without Kaerius’s audible agony, she’d probably have known something is wrong.

“I don’t know. Not yet.” She jerked her head to indicate that she needed to return to Kaerius and Seira nodded. Her younger sister slowed and let Cordelia pull ahead.

…

For the next few days, Cordelia only heard and saw Kaerius, but she was sure he had no idea she was there. And she still had no idea what ailed him. It hurt to see him in such obvious pain and be unable to help him in any way. But she returned to his side daily. She didn’t know what she could do for him, but she would be there with him. It was the least she could do.

Cordelia swam back to the trench where she could still hear Kaerius screaming. Frowning, she pulled her tailfin in and slowed her pace. Krill was waiting just by the entrance of the trench. When he noticed her, he jerked his head back and shot toward where she was waiting.

She jerked back to avoid a collision with her over-exuberant youngest brother. He kept going, swimming tight circles around. “What’s wrong with him? Is he okay? Is he hurt? What can I do? Cordelia! Please. I want to help. Is there anything I can do?”

“Stop!” she snapped, grabbing his arm and forcing him to halt. “Just stop.”

His teal and dark purple eyes were opened wide as he stared at her. “Is there anything I can do?” he repeated. “I want to-” She glared at him until he closed his mouth. He lowered his gaze and she sighed at his apparent contrition.

She patted his shoulder and said, “I’m not sure what’s wrong with him. All I know is he’s not physically injured. I’m sure he’ll appreciate the concern.” She pushed against his shoulder until he floated back, away from the trench. “Now, I’d like to return to his side, if that’s quite all right with you.”

As soon as she removed her hand, he swam right back into her space. “Can I go see him?” She almost laughed until she realized he was being serious.

“No, no,” she stressed with a shake of her head. “I think Kaerius would like to be alone right now. He wouldn’t want you to see him like that.”

He blinked, but to her relief didn’t press forward. “Yeah, right. Of course.” He bobbed his head and floated farther away. “He’ll want his space. I understand.” He dropped his gaze and twisted his fingers around each other. “Could you tell him I asked after him. When you see him?”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his earnestness. “I will,” she promised. Lifting her hands, she shooed him away before turning back toward the trench and her distressed brother.

…

Over the next few days, Cordelia almost expected Deniz to catch her during one of the few times she was away from Kaerius. She always kept a look out for him, but he never showed. While she thought he might show, Deniz’s absence wasn’t entirely a surprise. As the eldest, he was their protector, but he wasn’t the type to fret fitfully and ineffectively by Kaerius’s side.

She worried that that was what she was doing. Wringing her hands and wishing she could help Kaerius instead of actually aiding him. She didn’t know what was wrong, but sitting uselessly by his side was pointless. He didn’t even know she was there. That would have to change.

So, when Cordelia went to his side she hummed as she had done that first day. She sat behind him, running her hands through his silken strands, and hummed whatever came to her mind. But it still didn’t feel like enough. How could he possible hear her? She needed something that would bring Kaerius back to her. He was lost in his anguish and he needed her to guide him through it.

Taking a deep breath, Cordelia leaned back against the rocky wall behind her and clasped her hands in her lap.

The first note she warbled was low and hesitant, but it grew stronger as she went on. She had a beautiful voice, she knew. It was low and sultry and, yeah, a bit sexy. She liked to sing, but she’d never had a song so laced with importance. It had to get through to Kaerius. He had to know she was there for him. Whatever he was going through, he wasn’t going through it alone. And he needed to know that.

She laid her hand against the crown of his head and continued to sing. It was a light song, but it was one of Kaerius’s favorites. Kaerius continued to scream even as the last note fell from her lips. She sighed and bumped her head back against the rock. “Oh, Kaerius,” she said softly. “I wish I knew how I could help you.”

Kaerius, of course, didn’t answer and she lifted her voice to sing once more. She ran through every song she knew Kaerius was fond of, but still nothing got through to him. She felt like she was failing him. She would do anything for him, but she didn’t know what she could do.

Closing her eyes, she laid down next to Kaerius. The next song that spilled out was one of her favorites. It was slower, lower than the ones Kaerius’s preferred. She didn’t sing it often; it was much too dark for most occasions, but it felt right just then. It was an old dirge her people used to sing to lament the loss of a loved one. She thought it was beautiful, but whenever she sang it, it always brought tears to her eyes and she hated the smell of salt water regardless of whether it was ocean water or tears. But now, she was already crying for Kaerius.

Keeping her eyes closed, she rested her forehead against his back and just focused on the flow of words and the meaning behind them. It was a song of mourning. Grief. There was time for healing, but in this moment there was only sorrow. But sorrow did not mean solitude.

When the song’s final note hung in the water, she closed her mouth and sighed through her nose. The silence was so deafening she almost mistook it for Kaerius’s screaming. Frowning, she lifted her head. Kaerius was breathing heavily, but his cries had ceased. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Shuddering with each breath, Kaerius tilted his face back to look at her. “Oh, Kaerius,” she murmured. She held her arms out and he wrapped his around her back. He tucked his head against her neck as painful sobs racked his body. “Oh, oh, oh,” she hummed, rocking him back and forth.

…

When Kaerius calmed down, he’d fallen asleep in her arms. He slept for hours, but when he finally awoke, he looked better. Not good. Still run down. And he was still a far cry from his usual smiling self, but he did look better. The sleep had done wonders for him.

Curling his tail underneath him, he sat with his back to the rock wall. He clasped his hands together in his lap and stared down at him. Cordelia sat next to him, placing her arm around his shoulders and holding him closely.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked after a moment. “I was quite concerned about you. Not just me either. Seira and Krill both asked after you.” He remained silent so she filled the water with chatter. “Not Deniz though. I wonder why.”

“He,” Kaerius started. He cleared his throat and tried again. “He probably already knows what happened. He knows everything.” He cracked a small smile and it warmed Cordelia all the way down to her tailfin. She leaned over and kissed him on his forehead. Sighing, he closed his eyes. “But I can tell you.”

“Only if you want to. It’s pretty obvious how much this affected you, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Whether or not you tell me, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be right here.”

Swallowing thickly, Kaerius nodded and pressed his hands to his eyes. “I know, I know,” he said. “Thank you.” Sniffing, he dropped his hand and presented her with a shaky smile. “I think I do want to tell you. About him.”

She nodded, but remained silent, giving him the space he needed to gather his thoughts.

“He’s-he was a human boy,” he began and the tale of Kaerius’s loss of the one he could only love from afar unfolded before her.

…

Telling Cordelia was only the first step for Kaerius. Grief was a long journey, but he didn’t walk it alone. Though she’d never met him, Cordelia stayed by Kaerius’s side and mourned his loss with him. She let him talk of him until his voice grew hoarse and he fell asleep mid-word. She held him when he awoke from a nightmare, only to discover it was reality. She coaxed him from the trench and into brighter waters. And she sang to him when his heartache felt like too much to bear.